Free Reports

Of Bhakts, Jhollawallahs and Demonetisation

Nov 14, 2016

28

(This is a spoof)

It was early in the morning. Delhi was smoggy as usual. And I had stepped out to buy milk.

At the milk booth, I ran into a bhakt and a jhollawallah.

The bhakt did not have a red tilak on his forehead and the jhollawallah wasn't carrying a jhollah. He was wearing Nike shoes though and not the kolhapuri chappals that he used to, until a few years back. Also, he hadn't studied at JNU.

And I immediately asked him? "What Sir, how come you are wearing Nike shoes? One of the most famous brands of unabashed American capitalism."

"Oh, Nike, is now Made in China, you see," he replied.

"But how does that matter?"

"China, is still run by the Party. And anything run by the Party is communist enough for me."

"Oh, yes. The biggest capitalist enterprise in the world, the Chinese Communist party," I replied.

The bhakt decided this was a good time to butt into the conversation and started to shout "Modi, Modi," soon to realise that it was early in the morning, the road was deserted and there was no one out there watching his performance.

Advertisement
  Modi Wins Fight Against Black Money.
But Will He Win This NEXT BIG ONE?
 
   
  The fight against black money has been dealt a solid blow.

And Congrats to Modi and his Government for that.

But even as we grapple with the short-term implications of this 'strike', there's something extremely worrying that needs to be addressed.

You see, India is facing a crisis, potentially of massive proportions. It involves a long-term trend that started years ago...and it is developing as solidly as ever:

33,000 per day...

1,000,000 per month...

12,000,000 per year...

Yes, that's the pace at which this trend is growing...

To know more about exactly what this trend is all about and how you can prepare yourself for it, please click here...
 

"What a fantastic decision Modi ji has taken to ban Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 notes. All the black money wallahs will now have a tough time," he said.

"Arre what are you saying? Look at my maid. She has run out cash. She doesn't have money to buy food and the banks are giving Rs 2,000 notes only. She has never withdrawn money from an ATM. How is she supposed to live? Did Mr Modi think about this?" the jhollawallah asked, suddenly having developed great compassion for the maid.

"What your maid doesn't have Paytm?" the bhakt asked, with a great degree of surprise.

"But why don't you just take her to an ATM and help her withdraw that money. I mean, she will get used to the idea if you show it to her once," I said. "It isn't rocket science exactly."

"I don't have the time for that," the jhollawallah replied.

"And my maid's sister, she had saved Rs 25,000 in Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 notes, away from her alcoholic and abusive husband. She doesn't have a bank account, what is she supposed to do with that money now?" he continued.

"Oh, even she doesn't have Paytm?" the bhakt asked, doubly surprised.

"But don't the Chinese have a big investment in Paytm?" I asked innocently. "And until last week weren't we supposed to boycott Chinese goods and services?"

The bhakt ignored my remark.

"And look at all the lines that have cropped up outside ATMs. People are wasting so much time to withdraw their own money," the jhollawallah remarked swinging his Rahul Roy hair, to one side. "And I had heard that Rs 15 lakh will be deposited into every account. Now I have to stand in line to withdraw my own money. What rubbish is this?"

"Lines?" screamed the bhakt. "Did you complain when you stood in a line to buy cricket match tickets? Did you complain when you stood in a line to buy movie tickets?" he asked. This was a performance which was straight out of Amitabh Bachchan's Deewar. "Jao pehle us aadmi ka sign lekar aao," I was suddenly muttering.

But I soon got back on track. "Well, the last time I stood in a line was to watch the first day first show of Raja Babu at the Sujata Cinema in Ranchi. These days I Paytm," I explained.

"Ah, Raja Babu," said the jhollawallah. "Thinking of Karishma gyrating to sarkaye liyo khatiya jaada laga still gives me the Goosebumps."

The memories of Karishma Kapoor led to a pause and gave me an opportunity to ask a question. "So what do you think of this new Rs 2,000 note? Looks kinda sexy," I said.

"It's a conspiracy against the masses," the jhollawallah screamed.

"They could have done better," said the bhakt.

And this had me surprised. How could the bhakt and the jhollawallah agree on something.

"Why?"

"Because it's pink," both blurted out at the same time.

"So?" I asked.

"Pink is like saffron." "Pink is like red," said the jhollawallah and the bhakt, almost at the same time. And I thought Pink was Bachchan all the way.

"So how do you think the new Rs 2,000 note will stop the generation of black money?" I asked.

"The new Rs 2,000 note will have a nano chip built into it," said the Bhakt. "I read it on WhatsApp. With the built-in chip, the note can be tracked over a computer at any point of time." "And how will that help?" asked the jhollawallah.

"At any point of time the government will know where each note is," the bhakt explained confidently.

"So?" I asked.

"So the government will come to know when the note reaches in the hands of a bad man."

"Oh. Does the note have a camera built in as well?" I humbly asked. "And the government will employ one individual with every note, so that he or she can keep tracking it all the time."

"Eh."

"And when some man with the Rs 2,000 note tries to do a dishonest thing, the Mahatma himself will come out of the note and ask him not to do it," I said, with a loud laugh.

"You are hurting my feelings," said the Bhakt.

"Oh, that was just a WhatsApp forward that I just received," I said. "And in bhakt land, everything received on WhatsApp is true."

Before I could say any further, the milk booth owner had arrived and opened the shutters. The jhollawallah pulled out a Rs 500 note and asked for milk. The bhakt had no cash and wanted to pay through Paytm.

I took out a hundred-rupee note bought two litres of milk, collected the change and walked off.

Vivek Kaul is the Editor of the Diary and The Vivek Kaul Letter. Vivek is a writer who has worked at senior positions with the Daily News and Analysis (DNA) and The Economic Times, in the past. He is the author of the Easy Money trilogy. The latest book in the trilogy Easy Money: The Greatest Ponzi Scheme Ever and How It Is Set to Destroy the Global Financial System was published in March 2015. The books were bestsellers on Amazon. His writing has also appeared in The Times of India, The Hindu, The Hindu Business Line, Business World, Business Today, India Today, Business Standard, Forbes India, Deccan Chronicle, The Asian Age, Mutual Fund Insight, Wealth Insight, Swarajya, Bangalore Mirror among others.

Disclaimer: The views mentioned above are of the author only. Data and charts, if used, in the article have been sourced from available information and have not been authenticated by any statutory authority. The author and Equitymaster do not claim it to be accurate nor accept any responsibility for the same. The views constitute only the opinions and do not constitute any guidelines or recommendation on any course of action to be followed by the reader. Please read the detailed Terms of Use of the web site.

Recent Articles

Has Arun Jaitley Been Reading India's Big Government? October 23, 2017
If self-employment is the way out for India's jobs crisis, then the government should create conditions encouraging it.
Get 'India's Big Government' at Just Rs 199 Now October 18, 2017
Vivek's latest book is now available at a rare discount. Grab a copy now.
Our Plan to Save the Ranch October 18, 2017
How to increase fertility in the kingdom of cows.
Nobody Honks in Bali - Lessons for Indian Tourism October 17, 2017
Things India can learn to promote tourism from this small island.

Equitymaster requests your view! Post a comment on "Of Bhakts, Jhollawallahs and Demonetisation". Click here!

9 Responses to "Of Bhakts, Jhollawallahs and Demonetisation"

Bhalchandra Upadhyay

Nov 17, 2016

Great economic action being politicised.

Like 

Manvendra Kachole

Nov 16, 2016

Arthkranti enthusiasts and Mr Bokil need to worry. Arthkranti of Bokil and demonetization by Modi Govt are not related. It is just a coincidence that both mention Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes in their schemes. Modi's actions are quite contrary to the Arthkranti proposals and are in the opposite direction. The differences are 1. Modi has not abolished any Rs 100, 500 or 1000 currency notes, they will be there in circulation. 2. Modi has replaced rs 500 and 1000 notes with new designs and has introduced a new Rs 2000 note. 3. Modi is strengthening (and streamlining) certain taxes eg GST. Mr Bokil, Modi seems to have listened to you (as per widely circulated claims of 9 minutes extended to 2 hrs hearing (when? where?), but has not accepted any of your proposals.

If Modi govt succumbs to your mumbo-jumbo economics and abolishes the prevailing tax system and goes for transaction tax (or credit tax) during the budget session, which is most unlikely, we are really set for an unprecedented disaster in the economy.

Like 

Karan

Nov 16, 2016

Being funny is difficult, trying is easy. This was neither funny nor contained any information to feel enlightened about. I found the topic to be filled with stereotypes about the jhollawala(leftist) and bhakts(mostly right wing). There was no grey area to any of them. Like the bhakt saying 'you are hurting my feeling', like seriously? Or the jhollawala giving you an explanation that because nike is made in China, he is wearing it. This article is in poor taste and lacks knowledge of either sides it talks about

Like 

Prasad

Nov 15, 2016

Bad spoof. Not expected from Vivek.

Like 

Raghubir

Nov 14, 2016

Again another article in very poor taste. What's wrong with you Vivek ? Is a stubborn & closed mind stripping you off from your usual analytical grey matters of late ?

Like (1)

P CHOWDARY

Nov 14, 2016

very interesting.

Like (1)

Aniket Bhansali

Nov 14, 2016

Hi vivek sir, I really like articles you post, they kind of enlightening for naive in field of Economics. But (No offence) I had went through many articles regarding demonetization, and also through, ArthKranti website, which is proposing similar kind of methodology for controlling black money and best of my knowledge it is "diversion" for time being, later on we will be pushed towards cashless economy just like Sweden and ONE THING IS SURE, INDIAN CURRENCY OUTSIDE INDIA, IN COUNTRY LIKE PAKISTAN who fakes our currency definitely will be nullified and lower terrorist activities. So I think this is THE LEAP instead of just A STEP.

Like (2)

R Tayal

Nov 14, 2016

Nice spoof, Vivek.
Hope you will also follow it up with an enlightening analysis of the likely long term consequences of this demonetization.

Like (3)

U M KRISHNAN

Nov 14, 2016

Generally, Vivek writes articles with all seriousness at his command.
I think he is affected by Delhi Pollution, not expected of him to
play to the gallery.

Like (2)
  
Equitymaster requests your view! Post a comment on "Of Bhakts, Jhollawallahs and Demonetisation". Click here!