Resolutions for 2018 - by others

8 JANUARY 2018

The Chinese have a proverb: "May you live in interesting times".

And we sure do...

What with:

  • Leaders of governments publicly arguing over who has the bigger button (so far all they have displayed are big egos!);
  • Central bankers convinced that the only way to solve a crisis is by creating the foundation of the next, bigger crisis by having access to a bigger printing press, and
  • Miners of digital Ponzi schemes finding the bigger fool...

So, with a promise that I would not expose the names of the people who sent me their New Year Resolutions, I took the liberty of asking some of the very important and powerful people (regularly glorified in the empty magazine and tasteless TV shows as models for a New India) to share with us their New Year Resolutions.

The list took a little while to compile since some of these individuals were reachable only via their Aaadhar account details and I had to head to Jalandar to buy their details for Rs. 500. Roads to Jalandar are packed because every Indian rendered unemployed by Demonetization and GST is trying to be a trader in Aadhaar lists.

UIADI, meanwhile, is busy hiring lawyers to file suits against anyone writing against Aadhaar on the grounds that these individuals are 'anti-national' for questioning the sacred security of Aadhaar.

Interestingly, Aadhaar, if twisted a bit, is Raadhaa - the love of Krishna.

Any challenge to Aadhaar is an act of disrespect for Raadhaa and, hence, is an insult to Krishna who had 6,100 queens.

And any insult to Krishna suggests you are either a student from JNU or an agent of Pakistan.

Neither of which are good to have on your resume at any point in time but particularly not good in these days when Vikas has lost out to Dharm (religion) and Parampara (tradition) in the discussion over the future of India's economic development.

But, we are digressing....

So, here are the New Year's Resolutions.

Try and guess the name of the individuals who made these New Year Resolutions!

  1. Tell me, God, what you want and I can arrange it for you
  2. Badey bhai se kabhi nahe ladna (never fight with the big brother)
  3. Na to cricket mai jeet, na koyla mai (No win in cricket, no win in coal)
  4. I will never shout on my show and will let others talk without interrupting them
  5. I will learn to accept that the security system we have built for Aadhaar can be hacked and that if the CIA can be hacked, so can Aadhaar...
  6. I will stop polluting the media with Rs 3,755 crore worth of advertisements and will spend more money on fighting pollution than the paltry Rs 70 crore we spent the past 3 years
  7. I will clear the air of pollution so that I can hold more dharnas on the streets - at least people will then write about me
  8. I will continue to twist my body to get thousands of crores in sales
  9. I will remember the old motto: When a man fools me once, and I listen to him I am a fool; when he tries to fool me again and I believe his empty promise, I am a blind bhakt
  10. My next book will not be about my skills beyond accounting but it will be about my lack of understanding of accounts because the 2G verdict showed that my accounting skills were non-existent though my imagination was superlative.

I hope you all made your New Years' Resolution and stay with it as the days roll on...

I am trying to stick to mine: Write The Honest Truth more often! 🙂

So, do let me know who you think those 10 individuals were who made the Resolutions...and please don't send me their Aadhaar card details that you purchased for Rs 500....

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6 Responses to "Resolutions for 2018 - by others"


Jan 13, 2018

A salute to your' tongue in cheek ' article on Resolutions for 2018
Though I can not guess the names of the people who could have said what you outlined , but I get the gist and look forward to your next
article .Keep writing the Honest Truth .



Jan 13, 2018

And any (polite) reference to Krishna makes it a holy article. :) Around 1600 wives though, not 6100.

My guesses for some of the quiz questions - Amit Shah, Anil Ambani, Arnab Goswami, Nandan Nilekani, Arvind Kejriwal, Baba Ramdev.

'Write The Honest Truth more often' - please do!



Jan 9, 2018

Nice read!
Hope you stick to your resolution.
It's 1600 not 6100 as you mentioned.



Jan 8, 2018

My guesses:



Jan 8, 2018

2. Anil Ambani
4. Arnab Goswami
7. Arvind Kejriwal



Jan 8, 2018

Whatever you say,the Congress party is taking the country 3 decades back to the pre-90's, with its ridiculous movement of caste based politics, stopping the progressive BJP Govt from making any radical changes in whatever are one takes, be it economics, finances, propagating cast ism and has NO AGENDA for growth and no vision for moving India forward. Sad state of affairs indeed... They MUST SUFFER A TOTAL ROUT IN 2019, IF INDA HAS TO BECOME A DEVELOPED NATION...

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